Sales people

Leave me alone!

No, I don't need your help.

Yes, I will come to you if I need anything.

I'm a grown, competent adult, I don't need you sales people hovering over me like vultures over a dying lion in the African sun. I'm not Simba. I'm not dying.

I hate going to look at shoes i

n Macy's (they do it most often to me) and the sales people just attack, attack, attack! It's like no one in that section has eyes. Can they not see when I turn away the first sales person? Do they think I changed my mind in the .6 seconds that I was left by myself? I'm capable of going up to some one to tell them what I want.

Friends of mine who double as jerk sales people try to defend themselves and their kind by saying they need commission. Well, let me tell you something: No one wants to be verbally harassed while shopping. Trust me, I've been on both sides and I hated doing it as much as I hate getting it. Maybe I wouldn't hate them as much if, when I actually needed help, they wouldn't run from me like I'm infected. I can never seem to find someone when I really want to get something. And then I usually change my mind 'cause I know I shouldn't be buying that thing.

So, pretty much, it's all your fault, sales People.

Feet Draggers

One of the most annoying sounds ever is the sound of someone dragging their feet when they walk. The scratching, skidding, rubbing-on-concrete noise would make my ears scream and cry if they could. I can't help myself but to look around to find this horrible noise and then to stare at the person who is causing it. Half the time I just to make sure they actually have two full legs so I don't feel guilty when I curse at them in my head.

What's wrong with walking normally? It's really easy, I promise. Dragging your feet may feel nice, maybe it makes you feel safer knowing your feet never actually leave the ground beneath you, but it's ruining my day and your shoes!

Why do you want to ruin your shoes? Are you too good to not mess your shoes up? I hope not, because if you're that important and rich to waste shoes, maybe you shouldn't be going to Pitt-Greensburg. I'm just sayin'!

We Greensburgians...Greensburgites...Greensburgers...take pride in our foot wear and our ability to lift our own two feet!

It's warm...for November

I get that it's in the upper 50's and it's really sunny outside, but it's November, not April. I cannot stand when girls are walking around on campus wearing tank tops and flip flops because it's warm for 5 hours of the day. As soon as the sun goes down, it's freezing out, so this just says to me that I probably should keep all my summer clothes in their box until it is actually summer again....

In case you didn't read my past 53 posts today...

I was just on Facebook and saw some person was posting a lot of status updates. Then I realized that this person was posting something every couple of hours. And to make it worse, it all involved what they were doing for the rest of the day, which would have been okay, but the schedule never changed. It was just updated and the first thing that was on the list the post before wasn't there anymore.

Do I care what you are doing every 2 hours? No, I do not.

I especially don't want to be reminded that you have "studying, class, lunch, studying, shopping, class, meeting" and then "yay! one class down! lunch, studying, shopping, class, meeting."

It's not necessary!

No one really cares that much, not even your own mother. I mean the first post, fine, whatever, but consistently updating your posts even when nothing new or important has happened to you?! C'MON!

It's one annoying thing to put 5 posts up in 5 hours that are all quirky thoughts and sarcastic comments--Oh my, how clever you are!--but it's a whole other thing to say something that I've read once or twice that day already.

"K"

I hate when I'm texting someone and all they send back is "k". It's not as if I'm worried you didn't get my last text and I needed some confirmation of that. I have unlimited texts for my plan, but I don't want to have to go through the process of checking the text and then deleting it because it's so useless to have. It's not a normal conversation we are having, I won't be worried if you don't send a response.

And just to make this the cherry on top, I did some research...

Here is a Facebook group for hating people who send texts that only say "K"

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/I-Hate-Getting-Texts-That-Only-Say-k/105996968960

And this is from Urban Dictionary: last texter

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=last%20texter

Texty McTexterson

I'm not against texting people all day. If I feel like texting, I'll do it. If I feel like replying to you, I will. But those people who try to start or end a fight in a text are just plain mean. I'm guilty of this, but sometimes I can't help myself if you really piss me off. But it should never be a constant thing. I always try and call a person back if we are text-fighting. I hate when people try to fight me via text so it's just hypocritical of me to do the same thing back.

Text messages are hard evidence that you said something that you probably wish you hadn't. It isn't like a fight where you say something out loud and can be easily forgotten. It's in there, on my phone, in my inbox. And if you're a masochist like me, you often save these texts just to make sure that later, when you're fighting with that person again, you can open it up to remind yourself of how pissed you are and how much of a jerk they can be.

God, it is exhausting!

Being mean is hard, textually assaulting someone is easy. I think that if a person has big enough balls to type what they typed, then they should be able to say it to my face or at the very least over the phone. No one wants to fight via text, if you do, then grow up. If you have problems expressing how you feel in words, well, then there's no better time than now to learn.

And, hey, I have a good idea! How about, if you have anything sweet to say to your significant other, you write a letter or send them a card? Everyone loves mail. People love getting little (or big), hard-evidence reminders of how much someone cares for them.

Bad parenting

I'm not a baby mama.

I have no children and I don't plan on having any until I'm good and ready and hopefully married.

The only children I've had to look after were my own younger siblings. That all being said, I think I still have a pretty good idea of how and especially how not to raise a child. I know that I could never fully understand what it is like to be a parent before I even have children of my own, but I'm pretty sure knowing the basics would work for most people who have their head on straight. Like, I know I shouldn't swear around my child if I do not want him or her to swear, I know not to scream and yell at them for screaming and yelling while in the grocery store, and I know that hitting them when they piss me off only teaches them to hit someone or something when they are mad.

Earlier today, I was walking into Giant Eagle and there was a small family behind me- a father, a mother, and a daughter who was about 6 or 7. The mother said something about a driver in the parking lot who she thought was driving too fast and out of no where the father says, very loudly mind you, "Asshole!"

I almost spun around to stare at him! Did he really just yell that with his daughter 2 feet from him? All I could think of was, that man does not have the right to be mad at his daughter when she comes home from kindergarten swearing up a storm. He's reaping what he sows, as they put it.
When did parents stop being parents and start being random people who seem to have accumulated a child in the past week? 'Tis a shame.

I'm a sexy (fill in the blank).

Okay, okay. I know Halloween is over and done with and every store is now setting up for Christmas (I'll talk about that one in another post...), but that doesn't negate the fact that I still hate mostly all the Halloween costumes for women out there.

It's not easy to find a modest costume that looks nice and that isn't a pile of leaves or something ridiculous. A woman is either a sexy fireman or a sexy referee or a sexy mouse/cat/other small animal. And then there are those girls who are soooo hot that the only costume they need is an expensive bra and booty shorts who happen to throw on some wings or something and call themselves a fairy. Newsflash, hun, you aren't a fairy, you're a skank. A skank who is so full of herself that she knows people are jealous of her and her emaciated body One that knows that all the boys want her and to never call her again or even remember her name or even care what she thinks or says. But as long as she looks hot...


But, hey, if you're hot and thin and you can rock the I'm-so-sexy-I-don't-need-clothes look, then by all means, who am I and who are your parents to make you feel bad about yourself and your choice of clothing (or lack thereof).

You know, like whatever.

According to a recent Marist Institute poll in New York, "whatever" tops the list of most annoying words in the English language. While I can see that it's very annoying, especially when your boyfriend/girlfriend uses it when you are fighting with him/her, it would definitely not top my list. I can't stand the "like" ers and the "you know" ers.

"Like, you know, I like had to go to the store and, you know, buy some like cereal and milk and like, you know, I forgot my money at home."

Those people I want to punch in the face. Do they not listen to themselves speak? Obviously not. When this happens in a class, usually it is a student doing this; I end up counting how many times they say those annoying words versus actually listening to what they are saying.

And other annoying sayings, like "it is what it is" and "at the end of the day," really don't bother me that much. It's only when a person beats the phrase to death do I get really irritated with them and the saying. It's kind of like in Office Space where the main character hates everyone and there is that red-headed woman who says "Looks like somebody has got the case of the Mondays!" That would make me want to scream because it's ridiculous and unnecessary.
Take a look at the main article http://maristpoll.marist.edu/107-whatever-takes-top-honors-as-most-annoying/

FINGER food

It's called "finger food" for a reason, that reason being you are supposed to use your fingers to eat it. Like chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, egg rolls, pigs in a blanket; all are meant for your grubby little paws to touch and lift to your pie whole.

Please don't insult the inventors of pizza rolls by eating them with a fork just so you don't have to touch them.

What are you scared of?

Dirty fingers? Wash them.

Germs? Too late, they are millions of germs on the plate you just put your food on.

And the only acceptable time to use a fork while eating french fries is when there are more toppings (and this does not include ketchup) than fries themselves. And what is the point in cutting a chicken nugget?! Is it too big to just take bites out of when it's whole? Don't answer that, because it's a rhetorical question. They are nuggets, therefore being smaller than normal chicken pieces. Having to adapt to societal norms, I can't cut all my steak at once without getting rude stares, same goes for my pancakes and waffles. So no one should be able to baby themselves so much that they can't pick up a french fry with their hand!

Fashion faux pas

I've already discussed my dislike for scrunchies, so I figured I'd further explain more "fashions" I dislike.

1.) Long shirts- By long shirts, I mean shirts that hit below the hips, anywhere below the hips, that double as a dress for some young ladies. Wearing a long tee shirt that barely covers your ass is not a dress and should not be worn as one. It is gross and makes me (and many other people) want to vomit. I do not want to nor should I ever have to know what is goin' on in your nether regions. It's not "hott." You're not cute. Everyone who told you otherwise was lying.

2.) Leggings paired with long shirts- As I've stated, a long shirt does not make it a dress. A dress hits, at the very highest, mid-thigh (and for these dresses I'm talking about women with legs like Sarah Jessica Parker or something) and then anywhere below that point. So when a young woman, or older woman, wears a long shirt and leggings, I pretty much want to stick a pencil in my eye to blind myself from the scene that they play out in front of me. Long shirts are stupid, for one, but then to put on some leggings to hug every curve, bump, dimple, ripple, and roll it's just wrong. Please, for goodness sake, stop it!

3.) There's no way to title this shortly, so everyone, big and small and everything in between, wear a shirt that fits you. There's no need to swim in a XXX-Large shirt if you wear a Large and there is no forgivable answer as to why a Large tries to fit into a Small. It's annoying if a person goes too big, but it's painful to see when a person squeezes into clothing because it used to fir them once upon a time. I used to be a size 7, do you see my fat ass trying to fit into a 7?! Hell, no! But because I don't look like a pig in a blanket, I actually look good in my clothes at my size.

4.) No mini skirts over 35- Who doesn't love a 50 year old who tries to dress younger? I love it when a woman my mother's age tries to dress like she's in her 20's but then fails miserably and actually looks as if a little kid got to dress themselves for the first day of preschool. OH! And I love, love, love when their skin is as classically tanned as my new leather tote bag and when their hair is so processed it looks like straw. Who doesn't think this is sexy? Crazy people, that's who.

I goes to collage

I hate when people walk into class late. I am not talking about those who are just coming in right on the dot, but those people who walk in about 10 minutes late. And these people don't usually do this only once, it's not as if it was a one time deal where there was car trouble or they slept through their alarm once, they do this at least once a week in that class.

What is that person doing to be late every day?

Why don't they wake up 10 minutes earlier or leave earlier than 2 minutes before the class is supposed to begin?

And why are these late people always the most unprepared of the bunch? My friend told me about a girl she used to have class with and this girl would walk into class at least 5 minutes late every single class. She would never have anything with her besides her cell phone. Was she planning on writing the notes for the class in her cell? And to make it even worse, this girl would wear a long sweater/shirt with leggings and boots...and that's all! She didn't even carry any keys.

Honestly, what is the point in going to class but have nothing to show for it? Why bother going? You would probably get more done if you just sat in your room, seeing as how you showed up to class as if you were magically brought there. At least you have notebooks and writing utensils in your room... I'd hope.

Bad drivers

Anyone who has ridden in a car with me while I'm driving knows I have a little bit of road rage. I'm not an asshole on the road or anything, I just yell at the other bad drivers. And there are a lot of bad drivers out there.

So, I would like to give a big internet middle finger to all of those people who:

- Don't use their turn signals
- Don't move to the left lane when other cars are pulling onto a highway

- Drive 57 mph in the left hand lane to pass the person driving 56 mph in the right hand lane

- Text and drive

- Ride a cars ass so close that you literally almost cause a horrible accident

- Ride their brakes for no reason whatsoever

- Stare at the people in the car they are passing

- Don't know how to take turns at a 4-way stop sign

- Honk their horns when a driver doesn't turn right on red (It's optional people!!)

- Take their time going through a green arrow, as if they are the only people who need to go through that light...

- Drive up in the down row of a parking lot, or vica versa

- Gun the engine and then slam on the brakes, then gun the engine and then slam on the brakes

- Drive 10 miles below the speed limit in a 25 mph area

- Are old enough that when they learned to drive, they were driving a Model T

- Gun it and pull out right in front of a car then drive 10 miles below the speed limit

That's all I can think of for right now, but feel free to add some. I can't wait until they make it mandatory to be retested for a driver's license every 5 years...

Verizon

Maybe I'm mad at Verizon for selling me the cheapest phone ever, maybe I'm upset that the sales people and customer service employees are dense as bricks and that it is impossible for them to comprehend any problem that you could be having, or maybe I'm just p-o'ed that I had to choose to pay $50 for a replacement piece of crap phone or $180 for a phone that won't fail at what it is supposed to be doing.

Whichever one of these is truer, I have no idea because they are all pretty equal. I don't understand how by using the buttons on the front of my phone will literally break those buttons completely. Why put buttons there is you know they will break?! I don't understand how opening my full key board phone will make the wires inside the hinges short circuit and make it impossible for the screen to work. Why should the phone open at all if you can't open it all the way?! Was this phone made to be looked at and not touched? My uncle's $10 tracphone has a longer life than my $150 one.

All I ask for is a phone to work, for people to not sell me (or anyone else) a piece of crap phone that will break if you touch the buttons and for me to be happy with my purchase.

Manners Matter

To quote Steffanie Tanner, "How rude!" I don't get why a person is unable, when walking through a door or set of doors, to use their hands or their mouths. Just earlier today I'm walking out of a building through a double set of doors and there was also someone coming into the building. So, being polite, I hold my door while still going forward and she just walked right on through, as if it were my job to hold the door for her or that I wasn't even there at all. So, I did what I always do in that circumstance, I yelled "you're welcome!" and stared her down. Honestly, I'm not your door woman, you have arms and hands, and even if you didn't want to use your probably useless extremities, you could have at least said "thank you!" Bitch.

Scrunchies

This post is dedicated to Alyssa-- Thank you for being my verbal punching bag.

WTF, scrunchies?!

Who invented the scrunchy? I really want to know, because I want to write them a strongly-worded letter about how bad of an idea they had when they invented the scrunchy. Its name is just a glamorized version of "hair tie," and mind you, that is the only time in the history of man and woman that the scrunchy and any form of the word "glamour" will be used in the same sentence.

It serves no purpose; definitely not a fashionable or resourceful one. No person has ever looked good in a scrunchy. Not even the hottest women imaginable (Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman, Audry Hepburn...I promise, I'm straight) could pull off a scrunchy, so p-l-e-a-s-e do not think that you are magically capable of doing so. You aren't a unicorn, you are not magic. I bet even a unicorn would look like an ass if he tried to wear a scrunchy.

Go buy hair ties! Real ones; the ones that big girls wear.

Foamy soap

Besides cleaning your hands, isn't the point of washing your hands to make the soap all bubbly and foamy and that's when you are supposed to know that the soap is doing its job? So what is the point of already foamy soap? I'm pretty sure it's not because it's faster-working, super soap that magically cleans your hands as soon as it touches them. And I'm also pretty positive that when you rub the foamy soap on your hands and it basically disappears that it isn't doing much of anything productive. Are the soap companies trying to trick us? Are people really THAT lazy that they can't rub their hands together for 10 seconds to make soap foam for itself? Using foamy soap seems to be only a tiny step above those people who only run their hands under running water for a second, like that actually does anything other than wet your hands, you idiot. Honestly, what is the point!?

Night lights

Night lights suck and they are pretty pointless unless you are a 4 year old or unless you are trying to go to the bathroom at 4 AM and are blind because you don't eat enough carrots. There's no need for people over the age of 11- and I'm rounding WAY up here- to have a night light in the bed room. They aren't cute and I don't really care if they go with the decor. Get a picture of the night light and hang it on the wall if it's really that cute. Just grow up and get a bedside lamp or the clapper.

Stupid Baby Names

I hate it when people give their babies stupid names. I mean really, where-the-hell-did-that-name-come-from names. I hated back when I was younger watching Maury and Ricky Lake and there were these people on there who named their kids something awful like "Sky Rainbow." And even more recently I heard a story about a woman who had a baby and wanted to name her Syphilis because she saw it on her chart and thought it sounded "pretty."

I don't know, maybe I'm just too classy for names as ridiculous or as stupid as those two, but I'm pretty sure I'm not up as high as any celebrity, which brings me to my next point of irritation: What the hell is wrong with these people??? Who names their baby "Apple" (Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin) or "Coco" (Courteney Cox & David Arquette) or "Prince" (Micheal Jackson) or "Kal-El" (Nicholas Cage)? These are DOG names! And I'm pretty sure "Pilot Inspektor" (Jason Lee) doesn't count for a pet name let alone a human name. All that was changed was one letter! C'mon!!

Basically, I think that, for the most part, there should be people who come when a woman is having a baby and this person can either reject or accept the baby name. I'm all for newer, cuter, more popular names that are unisex and funky but it is not okay to name a child something that is actually a thing...or an STD. Some people shouldn't procreate and since we can't control that, we should at least be able to let their kids have a tease-free life.

Five heads

When I think of or see a large forehead nothing else comes to mind other than: EW. It's not anyone's fault (except for the parents who conceived such a large-foreheaded child) but I really don't like them. They are kind of creepy and....shinny. I once knew a girl who had an enormous forehead and she made it about 5 times worse because she used this Covergirl powder on her face that was at least 3 shades darker than her fair skin. And to top it all off, she couldn't put the makeup on right, so there was this LINE of dark powder streaked across her forehead and around her eyes. I actually got caught staring at it riding home from school on the bus. I guess I was staring too long cause she stopped saying whatever it is she was saying and asked if she had anything on her face. And I swear it was just like in the movies or on TV when someone gets caught looking at something they shouldn't be, I stuttered and probably made a weird face and lied by repeating "no" a lot.

And for future instances, I have a few things I'd like to say:

1. I'm sorry if I stare at your large forehead.

2. I will not admit to you that you have a large forehead, so please don't ask me.

3. A lot of people look really good with bangs *hint**hint*

Incompetence

So maybe I'm not alone in this but it's pretty far up there on the "things I don't like" list. Being in college, it should be easy to do somethings for ourselves. And it's not like I'm expecting much, but if you don't know something, look it up. And yet the easiest thing of all (though you'd think it would be the most difficult by the way some people can't handle it) is to think about it yourself! People these days are just waaaayy too eager to just go somewhere else for answers as opposed to figuring shit out themselves. I mean, didn't we learn this in elementary school??? STAR- Stop Think Act Review. Sadly, so many people today rarely stop, never think, often act, and can't stand reviewing themselves. I shouldn't have to baby anyone else because of that persons inability do to a simple task.

Practice, but not in public please.

I love, love, loooove high heels. I own more high heels than all my other types of shoes combined. And I like them high, too. I sometimes joke that when God made me, He messed up and that I am actually supposed to be 4 inches taller than my oh-so-average 5'6. They are sexy and can make any pair of ass and legs, no matter how big or small, look absolutely phenomenal.

So taking all of this in, I cannot STAND IT when I see a girl, and more often times a woman, walking around in killer heels looking as though they are about to go hurt someone very severely. What I mean by this, is the stomping. It's all too common that I walk around my campus, or a mall, or a club, or a bar and see someone walking in heels as though they just learned to walk and decided that wearing a stiletto would be a good choice of footwear. Honestly, they remind me of inexperienced men, or maybe not even men, men don't often think they look good tromping about in heels, but something more along the lines of a chimp in heels. Did we just learn how to walk? I don't think so. Heel to toe. Heel to toe. Heel to toe. It really is that easy.

And for goodness sake, if you know you can't walk in heels, please don't go out into public wearing them. And if you have a friend who can't walk in heels, tell her (Please, God, TELL HER) she can't or just suggest a flatter, more "stable" shoe. I'm saying all of this, not just for my own benefit and happiness, but for all of those ladies out there who need someone to tell them to put down the heel.

Mouth breathers

I can't even start out with "you know who you are," because I'm pretty sure the mouth breathers have no idea who they are, otherwise they wouldn't want to be in this category. But honestly, I don't have a lot to say about this one other than: Close Your Mouth! It's really gross and distracting when you constantly have your mouth open. If you aren't trying to catch flies, close it up. Please.

Baked beans

Okay, so a lot of people don't like certain foods. Kids hate their vegetables and vegetarians hate meat. But to understand the reason I hate baked beans, you'll need a little back story...

*screen ripples to my memories*

We are sitting at my dining room table. My father has made baked beans... again.

"Caitlin, do you want some baked beans?" my father says.

My siblings and mom clamp their lips and suppress the giggles.

"No, I don't like baked beans," I say and try not to bite.

"Since when?" he says.

"Dad, I've never liked them," I say and sigh.

"Have you tried them?" he says.

"I don't want to try them," I say. "I don't like them."

"You don't know if you don't like them. Try them," he says and hands me the pot.

I put some on my plate. I put the grossness in my mouth, gag a little, make some funny faces and swallow as fast as I can before saying, "Still don't like 'em."

I can't even count how many times I've had this conversation with my father. I'd guess about twice a month for my whole 22 years of existence. It's not like I have a personal hatred of baked beans. That would be odd. But after years of having, literally, the same conversation with my father, I cannot stand baked beans. And I think this dislike-turned-hatred has spilled over into other areas. Specifically the term "cool beans." I really can't stand that.

Beans aren't cold. At least they shouldn't be cold. They should be hot. And even then, they aren't that good.

5 things

I can't think of any one thing that I would like to talk about constantly for a whole semester. Maybe my mind and/or heart just aren't big enough to handle that type of devotion at this point in my life. But I do have in mind many more than 5 things that have the same topic in common. I don't like a lot of things. And I don't see this as being picky or being stuck up, I just know what I like and I definitely know what I do not like. And over the years I have accumulated a pretty substantial list of things that are on my "do not like" list. And these things are what I want to talk about. And I've already come up with a title for this blog, obviously.

Gary

I've loved Gary since I created him in 2003. I was at South Hills Village Mall, I was 16 years old, and I found him at the Build A Bear Workshop. He was like me at the time: empty, lonely and needing someone to love him unconditionally. His curly, sandy brown hair was soft and touchable. He fit perfectly in my arms. He wore green bows around his ears and he looked pretty. It wasn't until hours after his creation that I found out his name by the help of a stranger in Eat N Park. "What's your name," I asked the boy. "Gary," he said, or at least I thought he said Gary. I proceeded to tell him how weird of a name Gary was and asked why his parents named him Gary, which is when he corrected me and said his name was Greg, or something along those lines (it was a long time ago). So after some deliberation, I decided that Gary was actually the perfect name for my little companion and we've been happy ever since. Gary doesn't mind that I steal all the blankets or that I laugh too loud or that I have the occasional flares in temperament, he is still the same bear I made 6 years ago who knows that on the inside I'm still a little lonely and I still need to be loved unconditionally all the same.