Bad drivers

Anyone who has ridden in a car with me while I'm driving knows I have a little bit of road rage. I'm not an asshole on the road or anything, I just yell at the other bad drivers. And there are a lot of bad drivers out there.

So, I would like to give a big internet middle finger to all of those people who:

- Don't use their turn signals
- Don't move to the left lane when other cars are pulling onto a highway

- Drive 57 mph in the left hand lane to pass the person driving 56 mph in the right hand lane

- Text and drive

- Ride a cars ass so close that you literally almost cause a horrible accident

- Ride their brakes for no reason whatsoever

- Stare at the people in the car they are passing

- Don't know how to take turns at a 4-way stop sign

- Honk their horns when a driver doesn't turn right on red (It's optional people!!)

- Take their time going through a green arrow, as if they are the only people who need to go through that light...

- Drive up in the down row of a parking lot, or vica versa

- Gun the engine and then slam on the brakes, then gun the engine and then slam on the brakes

- Drive 10 miles below the speed limit in a 25 mph area

- Are old enough that when they learned to drive, they were driving a Model T

- Gun it and pull out right in front of a car then drive 10 miles below the speed limit

That's all I can think of for right now, but feel free to add some. I can't wait until they make it mandatory to be retested for a driver's license every 5 years...

Verizon

Maybe I'm mad at Verizon for selling me the cheapest phone ever, maybe I'm upset that the sales people and customer service employees are dense as bricks and that it is impossible for them to comprehend any problem that you could be having, or maybe I'm just p-o'ed that I had to choose to pay $50 for a replacement piece of crap phone or $180 for a phone that won't fail at what it is supposed to be doing.

Whichever one of these is truer, I have no idea because they are all pretty equal. I don't understand how by using the buttons on the front of my phone will literally break those buttons completely. Why put buttons there is you know they will break?! I don't understand how opening my full key board phone will make the wires inside the hinges short circuit and make it impossible for the screen to work. Why should the phone open at all if you can't open it all the way?! Was this phone made to be looked at and not touched? My uncle's $10 tracphone has a longer life than my $150 one.

All I ask for is a phone to work, for people to not sell me (or anyone else) a piece of crap phone that will break if you touch the buttons and for me to be happy with my purchase.

Manners Matter

To quote Steffanie Tanner, "How rude!" I don't get why a person is unable, when walking through a door or set of doors, to use their hands or their mouths. Just earlier today I'm walking out of a building through a double set of doors and there was also someone coming into the building. So, being polite, I hold my door while still going forward and she just walked right on through, as if it were my job to hold the door for her or that I wasn't even there at all. So, I did what I always do in that circumstance, I yelled "you're welcome!" and stared her down. Honestly, I'm not your door woman, you have arms and hands, and even if you didn't want to use your probably useless extremities, you could have at least said "thank you!" Bitch.

Scrunchies

This post is dedicated to Alyssa-- Thank you for being my verbal punching bag.

WTF, scrunchies?!

Who invented the scrunchy? I really want to know, because I want to write them a strongly-worded letter about how bad of an idea they had when they invented the scrunchy. Its name is just a glamorized version of "hair tie," and mind you, that is the only time in the history of man and woman that the scrunchy and any form of the word "glamour" will be used in the same sentence.

It serves no purpose; definitely not a fashionable or resourceful one. No person has ever looked good in a scrunchy. Not even the hottest women imaginable (Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman, Audry Hepburn...I promise, I'm straight) could pull off a scrunchy, so p-l-e-a-s-e do not think that you are magically capable of doing so. You aren't a unicorn, you are not magic. I bet even a unicorn would look like an ass if he tried to wear a scrunchy.

Go buy hair ties! Real ones; the ones that big girls wear.

Foamy soap

Besides cleaning your hands, isn't the point of washing your hands to make the soap all bubbly and foamy and that's when you are supposed to know that the soap is doing its job? So what is the point of already foamy soap? I'm pretty sure it's not because it's faster-working, super soap that magically cleans your hands as soon as it touches them. And I'm also pretty positive that when you rub the foamy soap on your hands and it basically disappears that it isn't doing much of anything productive. Are the soap companies trying to trick us? Are people really THAT lazy that they can't rub their hands together for 10 seconds to make soap foam for itself? Using foamy soap seems to be only a tiny step above those people who only run their hands under running water for a second, like that actually does anything other than wet your hands, you idiot. Honestly, what is the point!?

Night lights

Night lights suck and they are pretty pointless unless you are a 4 year old or unless you are trying to go to the bathroom at 4 AM and are blind because you don't eat enough carrots. There's no need for people over the age of 11- and I'm rounding WAY up here- to have a night light in the bed room. They aren't cute and I don't really care if they go with the decor. Get a picture of the night light and hang it on the wall if it's really that cute. Just grow up and get a bedside lamp or the clapper.

Stupid Baby Names

I hate it when people give their babies stupid names. I mean really, where-the-hell-did-that-name-come-from names. I hated back when I was younger watching Maury and Ricky Lake and there were these people on there who named their kids something awful like "Sky Rainbow." And even more recently I heard a story about a woman who had a baby and wanted to name her Syphilis because she saw it on her chart and thought it sounded "pretty."

I don't know, maybe I'm just too classy for names as ridiculous or as stupid as those two, but I'm pretty sure I'm not up as high as any celebrity, which brings me to my next point of irritation: What the hell is wrong with these people??? Who names their baby "Apple" (Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin) or "Coco" (Courteney Cox & David Arquette) or "Prince" (Micheal Jackson) or "Kal-El" (Nicholas Cage)? These are DOG names! And I'm pretty sure "Pilot Inspektor" (Jason Lee) doesn't count for a pet name let alone a human name. All that was changed was one letter! C'mon!!

Basically, I think that, for the most part, there should be people who come when a woman is having a baby and this person can either reject or accept the baby name. I'm all for newer, cuter, more popular names that are unisex and funky but it is not okay to name a child something that is actually a thing...or an STD. Some people shouldn't procreate and since we can't control that, we should at least be able to let their kids have a tease-free life.